In His Hands.
In Appreciation of James Walker

by Sally Ann Ness, 2017

“Why am I doing this?”

The question came to mind more than once over the years. Why, with my back troubles, and my work schedule, and my family life, did I put myself on the 210 Freeway an extra hundred miles once if not twice a week? Why did I do it in rush hour as often as not, with the setting sun at eye level most of the way, or so early on a Sunday morning that I never really woke up during the first service and yawned incessantly through the second? Why brave the 210 holiday traffic on the days of the biggest holidays of the year?

Why? It was because of James’ hands. Of course, I loved the choir and everybody in it, and, of course, I loved All Saints. But that wasn’t what put me behind the wheel week after week. I did the driving to give every possible bit of attention to James’ hands, from the moment they were raised up to begin a piece to the moment they were brought to a rest. It honestly didn’t matter to me what we were singing. I didn’t care if it was a rehearsal or a service. I cared only that, when those hands were ready, I was there, all of me. I was in them, because when I was in them I lived a life that I never could otherwise have lived. James’ hands in performance turned me into a musician, a spirit, a self that was otherwise a vague wannabe, and I dearly loved being that person. The drive was nothing.

I remember a time when James raised his hands in rehearsal one Wednesday evening, and I found myself sitting up in my chair. I realized in a flash of consternation that I was at attention in a way virtually identical to the way my dog, Alameda, had been a few days earlier when I had called out a “ready!” command to her. She had been so eager to perform she seemed to be hovering slightly over the ground where she had been sitting. Her gaze of unabashed enthusiasm was as pure and puppy-perfect as I had ever seen any dog express. Well, I had become her as I waited for James’ hands to move, just a bundle of joyful nerves wanting nothing other than to follow the command I had been taught to obey. I really was no different from Alameda in that moment. I found it disturbing and wondered briefly if I were developing some kind of psychological problem. Then I decided that kind of thinking was an insult to Alameda, or to any other creature who, moved to bliss by the love of reaching something beyond what their individual faculties could accomplish, did whatever was necessary to make it happen. Alameda had found a ticket to a better life in my voice. I found it in James’ hands.

When I lived in those hands, I was taken to the most amazing worlds. There was the raging ocean that was Mahler–I would have perished instantly in those gargantuan swells had I ventured there alone! There were the deep, tangled swamps of Moses Hogan and the heaven-lit pastures of Gwyneth Walker. There were the intricate crystalline mazes of the baroque masters that we tore through at such heart-stopping speeds. There was camping at sunset on the shore by Parker’s river and there were rainbow afterglows in Cunliffe’s chordal chambers. Did I have a favorite place among the many to which I was taken? Yes. It was not one of the more magnificent places, not atop a castle tower in Parry’s English-built Jerusalem, or on the peak of one of Vaughan Williams’ awesome mountains. It was in a simple, quiet place, in the twilit currents of that gently meandering, healing stream, Mi Shebeirach, where souls blessed before us helped us find our courage, and where our bodies and spirits were renewed. I still hear that melody and its life-inspiring power. I hope that it will be the last thing I ever hear.

I have been fortunate in my life to have worked with more than a few outstanding choral directors. Would I drive 100 miles on the 210 Freeway for any of them other than James? No. The reason is hard to put into words, but it moves between trust, faith, and love. I was safe in James’ hands, safer than I have ever felt as a singer in performance. I believed that I was safe to be heard, and that I was indeed heard, through all of the voices that seemed to me to be so much more worthy of hearing. Not only was I heard, I felt I was loved in being heard. I believe I may have been loved simply because I was hear-able. Without that connection in love, none of the miracles I lived through in performance would have been possible. That unconditional love was the unique gift of performing with James and the reason I will miss him so.

How many times have I found myself singing, “I thank you God, I thank you God, I thank you God, I thank you God?” Echoes of my life in performance with Canterbury still come to me frequently. I pray they always will.

Thank you, James!

James,
There are no words to explain how much singing under your direction as meant to me. I Just have to say “thank you.” I will never forget your coming to play for Pam’s memorial service the weekend after yo moved . That was way beyond the call of friendship. As I have said to many people, I knew joining the choir would be a great musical experience but wasn’t expecting it to be such a great spiritual experience in addition. Thanks for all you have meant to All Saints and specially to me!

From one Canon to the Another:

I just want to say — officially and for the record — that one of great regrets of my life will have been that I never got to sing in a choir you directed … and one of the great privileges of my life will have been that I got to work with you as a colleague for 15 years!

Big love and much gratitude … xoxo

Dear James: I started attending All Saints in the late ’80s, and one of the musical offerings that sealed the deal for me at ASC was a performance of Mozart’s Requiem. Goosebump time.

Since then, there have been many more goosebumps during All Saints’ Day, Lessons & Carols, Contemplative Eucharists, and any of the Holy Week and Easter services. The regular Sunday services aren’t too shabby, either!

It seems inconceivable that you won’t be playing for us but I look forward to listening to you in your new freelance role.

Many good wishes for a long and productive retirement from ASC and future performances.

With much respect and admiration,

Judith Fischer

Omigosh, James – where to begin? My love of “Classical” music comes to me (at times during my youth it felt like it was IMPOSED) through my mother. I studied piano, violin, guitar and ‘cello (sucked at all of them) at her behest. Little did I know at the time that my preferred instrument was something I didn’t have to lug around with me – my voice! I remember times in rehearsal when I could feel Mother smiling down on me – you may (or may not) have noticed my eyes leaking. I was transported to places I’d never been before or since. Canterbury Choir under your direction was and is an experience I’ll never forget. Thank you so much for your leadership, your mentorship, your outrageous sense of humour and your friendship. I’m so grateful to have spent 29 of those 34 years of yours with you in our community.

Dear James,
The spiritual energy that flows when we sing well has brought me to tears, goosebumps, and an actual high on more than one occasion. That only happens when we “get past the notes”, become community, and share the very air we breath together as a unified instrument of music. I’m a big believer in the Chinese concept of qi energy flow, as well as Buddhist insights into meditation, and how that nourishes your brain and soul. I think choral singing provides an experience that merges those two concepts and allows for transcendence. It is one of the most powerful ways I have experienced God. In order to really get that flow of positive energy, though, the atmosphere needs to be one of congeniality, along with the adrenaline of high expectations, without the pressure of stress. That is often a hard combo to attain. I am so fortunate to have had the chance to sing with you, as you foster precisely the practices that transform the performance of music into a spiritual experience. Your experience and wisdom allow you to know just how much we need to rehearse and when to let it go to be what it is. You push us to be our best, but you do not push us past the point of the enjoyment of making music. That takes tremendous talent, insight, and faith (in yourself and in us). Many choral directors who hold their singers to the same standard you do also have the tendency to over-rehearse or bring negative, frustrated energy to the experience, thus losing the magic. For me, it’s all about the magic that results from a positive energy flow. That is when I feel the presence of the divine.

As someone who has spent much of her career in cross-cultural education, I also love the variety of musical genres we sing: it is just fabulous that we sing plenty of international music as well as some traditional classics.

I wish you the very best as you begin to share your gift with others, outside of ASC,

with much love, respect, and thankfulness,

Ann Lee

James,
I am grieved over my personal loss at not being able to enjoy your ministry at All Saints.

On the other hand, I am very happy for the continuing evolution of your great life this change represents.

Thank you for many years of music to my ears and to my heart.

It has been an honor and privilege to work with you at All Saint’s Episcopal Church. You brought an uncanny ear to the musical life of the church and helped all of us make music at the highest level.

My wife and I began attending All Saints Church back in 1996, after several months of “church shopping.” One of the things that drew us in was the music–beautiful, soaring and moving. And it has kept us coming back all these years. James, thank you for sharing your artistry with all of us. Blessings to you as your journey continues.

Jim,

I am so impressed by your years of work at All Saints. What a courageous decision to step into a new phase of artistry that I hope you will find greatly rewarding. My best wishes for your new adventures.

Peter Fennema

Dear James, We feel so attached to you and will miss you very much. The spirit, perfection, diversity, and spirituality of your music and your presence have become a part of our All Saints experience which we cherish. Hope we can stay in touch.
Best wishes! Lynne and John Tuite

Dear James- It is difficult to find the right words to say thank you for all you’ve given to all of us at ASC over these many years. You have been with us at our marriages, at the baptisms of our kids and grandkids, as we’ve said goodbye to those we love who have passed on, and at so many other times in our lives as individuals and as a community. Each time you brought all of your many gifts to help create a sacred, special celebration.

You are such a talented musician, a patient, humorous, and gifted teacher, a creative builder of community, a profound pastoral presence, and a deeply loving soul. I have marveled as I have watched you take Canterbury Choir through challenging pieces- first a very thorough, carefully considered and prepared teaching of notes, rhythm, etc…, and then we begin to make music as you start detailing the next level of dynamics and tempo. A few weeks later we’re soaring with you and making music that is at the highest level of musicianship and engaging our souls with every phrase as we follow your soul into beautiful music.. The work isn’t easy, but it’s always so meaningful, as well as energizing and fun, because you make it so. It has been such a gift to make music with you and I will deeply miss you. You have been such a blessing in my life and in the lives of so many others. We love you deeply and you know will always be with us- good teachers/mentors and certainly great musicians never quite leave as they’ve worked their way into your soul. We send you off with much love and with all of our best for this next phase of your life.

Dear James, Wow. Wow. Wow. Your amazing fortitude, your unfaltering character, your passionate artistry are embedded in my heart forever. ‘Thank you’ is too small a phrase for so great a gift that you’ve given to All Saints and to Edward and me. But, I must employ it, so I will do so again and again. Thank YOU, James. We look forward to witnessing blessings abundant for you in the next chapter of your life.

Aw James, You have been my master teacher and conducting inspiration since I first came to ASC in 1990. Serendipitously, you placed me in Canterbury Choir and took me on as an organ student. Through your teaching and with your confidence, I gave 8 solo recitals. I am forever grateful for these lovely years with you and my Choir Family.

I am sad that James will be leaving All Saints, but thankful that for the last five years I was the beneficiary of his leadership, musicianship, good humor, and love. I am not only a better musician for you, I am a better person.

Hello James . . . You’ve ministered so profoundly to so many in ways you will never know . . . and made our lives and the life of All Saints all the richer. And you made me a better composer! Thank you for the Walker Premiers of my own work!

James – I was so grateful to get to know you better during my tenure on Vestry. As a musician, I have appreciated the excellence, creativity and variety of worship each Sunday. As a parishioner, I have appreciated the warmth and playful reverence of worship under your leadership. You will be missed, but I wish you well in your coming adventures.

I have always considered you to be my Priest. You have nurtured me through your inspiration, energy, caring and humor, both spiritually and musically. My life is forever changed for the better for having been a member of Canterbury choir for the past 19 years. I will miss you terribly, but wish you the deepest blessings for this new chapter in your life.

I always talk about All Saints as the church where I was exposed to and converted through global music, and I credit your commitment to developing not only choral skills but cultivating a congregational openness to the new and transformational. Your work is inspiring to me and changed my life in ways I’m sure you can’t imagine. Thank you, James!

Many of my greatest and most self-satisfying musical moments occurred under the conduction of james Walker and I am eternally grateful for having had them. You were responsible for broadening my appreciation of many different types of music, as well as improving my ability to a point where I achieved something I never thought I would – auditioning for a symphonic choir in Australia. I thank you for sharing your wonderful talent from the bottom of my heart. May you have nothing but the best in this next phase of your life.